The twilight zone.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.”

                                                                                                                            ……The Twilight Zone – Series 1

Enter Rod Serling with his clipped delivery…..

Meet Sandra Fluke…an ordinary everyday co-ed studying law at Georgetown University Law Center.

In all ways, Sandra seems to be a bright student, earning good grades and popular among the other students.

Sandra, however, has a secret…a deep dark secret that she shares with 40% of the other female students at Georgetown University Law Center. Be careful Sandra…for you are about to enter the Twilight Zone!

“You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!”

                                                                                                                              …….The Twilight Zone – Series 2

Enter Rod Serling with his clipped delivery…..

Meet Roger Brittledick…an ordinary everyday student at Geogetown University Law Center.

In all ways Roger seems to be a bright student, earning good grades and popular among the other students.

Roger, however, has a secret…a deep dark secret that few know about. You see Roger has heard that Sandra, whom he has been lusting after for some months, has a penchant for sex…indulging in it as frequently as 3 to 5 times a day. Roger has heard that poor Sandra is going broke because she cannot afford the birth control needed to support that lifestyle.

But Roger has his own problems…he is well named, and knows that without medication he could never hope to satisfy the object of his lust.

Beware, Roger….you are about to enter the Twilight Zone!

“You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!”

                                                                                                                                  …….The Twilight Zone – Series 3

Enter Rod Serling with his clipped delivery…..

Meet Nancy Pelosi,  Minority Leader of the House of Representatives.

Despite several years as Speaker of the House and second in line to the Presidency behind only the Vice-President, Nancy has failed to stamp her name on any significant achievements. Relegated to Minority Party leader in 2010, Nancy is now searching for the next opportunity to show the world her greatness.

With brilliant comments such as “But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy”...and…” Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs.”….Nancy has excited the electorate and shown her extraordinary grasp on economic reality, Congressional workings, and the people’s desires.

But Nancy needs another win or two to regain that luster she once had….beware Nancy…you are entering the Twilight Zone.

“You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.”

                                                                                                         ….the Twilight Zone – Series 4 & 5

Enter Rod Serling with his clipped delivery…..

You are about to watch as the three players in this tragedy come together in a blatant attempt to combine their energies and do to the taxpayer what Sandra Fluke enjoys doing most….of course Nancy also has a long history of doing this to the taxpayer.

Where does Roger Brittledick come in?

Well, you will have to watch as the story unfolds….

In the first scene we find Sandra sitting before Nancy Pelosi giving testimony of the absolute horrors faced by women studying law at Georgetown University Law Center. We hear of the emotional scars they are carrying, their struggle to heal both physically and mentally after such a vicious attack.

We are hearing that women at that school carry their distress visibly on their faces…and that every day poor Sandra must deal with seeing the pain and anguish caused by this travesty.

Was she speaking of a serial rapist at loose on campus? Nope.

Perhaps there was a serial killer stalking the halls? Nope.

Maybe a panty snatcher was stealing their underwear as they studied and was doing all sorts of unimaginable things as he sniffed his collection in the middle of the night? Nope.

None of the above.

The cause for this level of distress is far more nefarious than any of those minor inconveniences.

The cause of this level of distress is that the student health insurance provided by Georgetown University does not cover the cost of birth control!!

Shock, horror….oh the lack of humanity!!

Nancy is horrified. She agrees that the insurance coverage should include the cost of birth control. After all, this is a battle for women’s reproductive rights. This is women against the world of men….this is the just cause that Nancy has been seeking….the cause that will once again thrust her to the forefront of her party, that will re-ignite her supporter base and reinvigorate her stalled political career.

Her cries become louder and louder….”we can’t live with ourselves if these poor sex crazed students have to purchase their own birth control – they have a right to free birth control in any amount they need to guarantee that their sex drives can be completely sated whenever they wish with no fear of pregnancy!”

You go Nancy….all the way into the Twilight Zone.

So, as she has spoken…so it becomes and the Twilight Zone celebrates with free condoms for all. There is much partying and sex in the halls of Georgetown University Law Center where birth control flows freely and the insurers must not charge for it. Condoms, both used and unused, line the stairways, the halls…overflow the trash bins….

The stock price of Church & Dwight Company, makers of Trojan brand condoms, explodes as demand for condoms reaches an all-time high.

Condoms replace balloons as decorations at weddings; they become the ubiquitous water balloons at summer parties….

The economy thrives on the back of student sex.

And everybody hails Nancy as the mastermind behind the great condom recovery.

Everybody is happy…except Roger Brittledick.

You see Roger’s problem is that he is unable to satisfy the women at Georgetown University Law Center. Their sexual demands of 3-5 romps a day are far too much for him to keep up with.

But he has a solution…he, being the smart young lawyer-to-be that he is, has heard of a miracle drug…called Viagra…that can solve his problem for him.

He goes to his health insurance pharmacy to get some of this miracle drug….but is told it is not on the free list…he must pay for it.

What?

Pay for it?

But it is expensive…and he soon discovers that it could cost him maybe $3,000 to buy enough Viagra to get through the sexual demands of three years of law school.

Roger Brittledick is not alone….as he walks the halls of Georgetown he sees the faces of his fellow men….men who must have this miracle drug to keep up with the demands of their partners. Men who see that by not performing to their maximum they are in danger of stopping the condom recovery.

So Roger goes to Congress in search of support for including Viagra on the free list of stuff that insurance companies must provide…..

He finds little support…it seems that male reproductive rights are not as protected as female ones.

Dejectedly, he hangs his head and starts to leave the halls of Congress…wishing that there was someone there who would support his cause…he needed somebody like Nancy to take up the cause…

And then it happened….

…a hand reached out and touched his elbow…he turned around…and there was a man who smiled and said…

Hi, my name is Barny Fwank…let’s talk…..

Enter Rod Serling with his clipped delivery….

“We never know where stupidity and the desire for something for nothing will lead us. The entire economy is at risk in the land of Georgetown…the condom recovery is failing…and the only superhero in sight is a washed up has been.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the Twilight Zone….in the  next episode you will be introduced to Hilda Needles, an ugly woman, inside and out…who, distressed that the young girls in Georgetown are getting all the sex, decides to sabotage the condoms and create a mini rally in abortions…she speaks to her broker and goes long on abortions, making millions…

Of course, in the Twilight Zone…no stupidity is too far “out there”….

“You are about to enter another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!”

Looks like we are already there!

…..devereaux