Unemployment defined while Obama seeks help.

I received an email today that helped me understand what is going on with the unemployment numbers…

(I apologize to the author...I could not credit you as I do not know who you are...but thank you for this simple explanation.) 

Abbott and Costello could not have said it better!

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening..

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a democrat.

So, now that we understand how the unemployment numbers are calculated, it is time to turn to a more serious matter.

Lybiagate.

There are many questions remaining about what actually happened in Benghazi….

-          Did the President know that there was inadequate security?

-          If so, when did he know it?

-          When did the President know, or at least suspect that it was a terrorist attack and not the result of some pathetic film trailer on YouTube that nobody had even seen before it was talked about?

-          Did the President lie?...or was it a simple case of being incompetent?

-          What effect will Lybiagate have on the election?

The only question here that Obama cares about is the last one….and in an attempt to prepare for what could be his own Watergate moment, he turned to the only President in recent history to have faced such a scandal…hoping to get some good advice.

Obama: “Hey Bill, Barry here….ummmm…you and I have not always seen eye to eye….and ummm….I know Hillary works for me and is also in the firing line….but ahhhh….ummmm….ahhhh….I wanted to get your opinion on this Lybia thing……ummmm…people are starting to call it Lybiagate…and that can’t be….ummmm….good for my ….ahhhhh….re-election prospects.”

Clinton: “No problem Barry….deny, deny, deny. Just say ….”I did not have sexual relations with that woman”…and sooner or later it will all go away’

Obama: “ummm….ahhhh…what the f***are you talking about Bill?”

Clinton” “I am talking about Monica…you have to deny it…if you really need to you can redefine sex and even what the word “is” is. But the best advice….look into the camera, into the eyes of the viewers and say slowly and clearly…”I did not have sexual relations with that woman!””

Obama: “Bill…this has nothing to do with Monica….she is your problem, not mine…I am talking about Lybiagate…what advice can you give?”

Clinton:’ Oh, Lybiagate? I thought you said “Labiagate”!! Well…I have no experience with Libya…you might like to ask my wife if you can catch her ….I think she may be in Peru or some other African nation….but who knows where that woman goes….you would think that she would tell me where she’s been, so that I would know where to avoid….but no, she thinks that just because she is Secretary of State, she can go anywhere she wants and not tell me…..”

Obama: (frustrated) “Bill, focus will ya? I have  a problem here….this whole Lybia thing is likely to blow up in my face….and…ummm…I don’t know what to do about….ummm….it. “

Clinton: “No, I don’t think redefining “it” will help. You could try calling Mitt a liar….that is always good for a couple of days…and don’t forget….”I did not have sexual relations with that woman” is always a good line. Apart from that, you are on your own buddy….now where did I put Monica’s number….the dragon won’t be back from wherever she is for a couple more days…more than enough time to catch up on the good old days!”

So Obama gets no help…and his campaign looks for a way to get out of this tricky spot. Their creative heads exploding with empty ideas until one bright spark suddenly shouts “Eureka”!

“I’ve got it”, he says….”we need to create a “gate” of our own that we can label Romney with…and we have just the thing. Now listen carefully. We all know that our attempts to recruit Big Bird didn’t work…not because it was a wrong strategy but because it was kind of hard to get the voters to be concerned about defunding him, when his company makes a couple hundred million dollars profit a year. Our argument that Romney wants to kill Big Bird just didn’t work. So we need to be more careful this time…we need to think about the voters and who we are trying to encourage to vote for us”

“Get on with it, fool” yelled Axelrod, whose demeanor was not only getting worse by the minute but who was desperately trying to cover up the fact that he was all out of ideas….

“Ok.Ok. I am getting there….we all know that we need the women’s vote, right? Well…Why don’t we create “Bindergate” on the heels of Romney’s comments in the last debate? By showing how badly Romney thinks of women, we are sure to capture the women’s vote.”

What a forehead slapper! Of course…Bindergate will easily negate the impact of Lybiagate….

And it came to pass that the Obama campaign called in their clowns, their apologists and their media…and created a massive campaign based around “Bindergate”.

Everywhere we look we see attempts to ridicule Romney with his own “Gate”…

Unfortunately there are some problems with this approach that the Obama people failed to see….

-          Nobody died in Bindergate. The voters wish the same could be said about Lybiagate

-          Nobody lied in Bindergate. The voters wish the same could be said about Lybiagate

-          The President did not knowingly mislead the voters in Bindergate. The voters wish the same could be said about Lybiagate.

When Obama heard this campaign, he looked in the mirror and started practicing….

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Libyagate will defeat Obama…in the words of Joe Biden…”It is a big f***ing deal!”

…..devereaux